Daddy’s Little Girl – Raising A Princess When Dad Opts Not Too

Warning: if you’re expecting an all-men-are-dogs or male bashing type of post, I regretfully inform you that you have come to the wrong place. Now, let’s get to the matter at hand shall we?

It’s no secret that I’m a solo parent of a tween daughter (and a teen son). Having been raised by my dad, I grew up believing a few things: 1) men provide for their families, 2) men protect their families and 3) little girls are princesses’ because we’re the apple of our Daddy’s eye.

When it became apparent that my children’s father would willingly opt out of helping to raise our children, it left me at an empass and with questions about raising my daughter. Can a little girl still be Daddy’s princess, even though her Dad isn’t around? Can she grow up to have a healthy esteem or have healthy relationships with boys and eventually men?

These are NOT easy questions with clear cut answers. There are no cookie-cutter solutions and there definitely isn’t a Little Princess playbook on how to raise a princess without her father. Instead, the answer evolved (and continues to evolve) through prayer, honest reflection and a willingness to request and receive.

  • Prayer – it is IMPOSSIBLE to know what a person needs unless you consult the maker of that person. There will be times when your head knowledge, book knowledge, and positive affirmations will run up against something it cannot handle, fix or otherwise change. This is why there’s prayer. Looking to yourself for answers is like looking to the blind to lead the blind. We are imperfect, flawed and we all have issues! Yes, that applies to you too! Prayer is imperative because it creates an atomosphere of humility and expectation. I had to admit that I didn’t have the answer on how to instill a Daddy’s Little Princess mentality into my daughter. But once, I admitted that; I expected to have an answer to the situation…and I got one.
  • Honest reflection – I had to admit: I did not like being a solo parent. I did not like being in this predicament. I did not like having to bear the emotional strain and burden that ensues when one parent abandons a family–financially and physically. It was DRAINING and I was sick of it! I blamed God and I let him know it! But once, I was honest with how I really felt, it freed me to release the offense and forgive the offender. With the chains of rejection and abandonment gone, I was able to see beyond Selena’s World of Pain and focus on the issue at hand: raising my children so that the absence of their dad, doesn’t cripple them emotionally or mentally.
  • Request and Receive – it’s funny how pride likes to make an appearence when you’re moving in the right direction. Would I truly reach out to the men in my life–family and friends–to enlist their help to circumvent my children’s view of how men behave? Would I entrust my children to my church family to instill and reinforce the fact that not all men shirk their responsibilities? Would I allow the people who truly love my children to shower them with gifts and words of encouragement ? Oh yes I would! It was amazing how many men I worked with and knew stepped up and proved to my daughter that she truly is a Little Princess. Their actions proved that although her father couldn’t recognize how beautiful, intelligent and remarkable she was, they–these wonderful men friends of mine–could and honored her for that!

Does the Princess still have a place in her heart for her Dad? Of course. Children naturally want the love and approval of their parents, especially their fathers. This will never change. But she sees and recognizes the difference between her biological father and the many father figures she has now. She is a princess and regardless of who stays or who goes, she understands that nothing can change that!

Thanks for visiting.

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18 thoughts on “Daddy’s Little Girl – Raising A Princess When Dad Opts Not Too

  1. Elissa says:

    This is an excellent post! My desire is that many single mothers would have the opportunity to glean from the wisdom in this article. May God Almighty richly bless you and your family!

    Like

  2. Katie says:

    I LOVE this post! And as a Mama in a similar boat I thank your for it. It is so helpful to me to learn from women who are a little further along this single mom journey than I am.

    Like

    • AWonder says:

      Aww, thanks Katie! It is a difficult journey but one that can be spectacularly rewarding. It takes a great deal of patience, prayer and sacrifice but it can be done!

      Thanks so much for visiting!

      Like

  3. Jen says:

    What a powerful and beautiful statement to make! It takes more courage to instill hope and love in our children rather than resentment. There are many two parent families that are not teaching their children this. Prayer has also helped me through some pretty tough times, often after I’ve exhausted my own resources.

    Like

    • AWonder says:

      Jen, thank you so much for your touching words. I am honored by your visit to this site. I’m so glad that through your difficult times, prayer kept you and filled you with new-found hope. It isn’t easy but it is worth it. Thanks so much for visiting. 🙂

      Like

    • Selena says:

      Kelly, thank you so much! I’m glad my site may be helpful to you and your brother. I look forward to reading your comments as you read through the posts. 🙂

      Like

  4. rina says:

    I love this post….i am raising 2 kids as a single mother and my ex is on resraining orders right now so you can imagine what he is like. I come from a so called ‘regular’ family with a dad and mom who provided me and my sister with everything materially but you nknow what I NEVER FELT LIKE A PRINCESS! and after reading your post i realize that this lil feeling is so important…..i went seeking all types f screwed up blokes, married one and ended up in an abusive relationship and it took me 15 long yars to admimt that …if only i had felt like a princess i would have thought myself worthy of someone special!! i make sure my daughter feels like a princess and to be fair my dad makes a big effort to make her feel like a princess…u know I believe in karma and I feel it is karma that makes my parents such good carers for my own kids…god bless!

    Like

    • Selena says:

      Rina,

      I know a thing or two about restraining orders and absentee exes. It does get better. The sting does dissipate and our children can and do cope as long as we’re there to love them, help them and encourage them to reach for the stars even in the dark times.

      I’m happy to report that my teenage princess is bolder, more confident and more sure of herself than ever! She’s discovered the joys that come with helping others and is helping to shape the lives of other fatherless children by sharing her story.

      Hugs and blessings to you for stopping by and sharing your story.

      Like

  5. Jody says:

    This is beautiful, and so true. I have a princess who has a daddy that doesn’t know HOW to be a daddy, even though she’s his 6th child, and ONLY girl. We have a lot of prayer in our home, and even more communication. Thank you for this! 🙂

    Like

  6. Wiley Muggeo says:

    Wow! This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs We have ever arrive across on this subject.
    Actually Excellent. I’m also a specialist in this topic
    so I can understand your hard work.

    Like

    • Selena says:

      Wiley, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! Let’s me know that I should absolutely get back to work on this blog. Have a spectacular day and thanks for visiting.

      Like

  7. sherisebgabe says:

    Thank you so much for this. I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first daughter. Her father walked out on me (and us) when I was just shy of 5 months into my pregnancy. My ex-husband is still involved in my sons’ lives, and I feel a lot of guilt that she won’t have that kind of close relationship with her father. I pray for the strength to raise her well every single day. We both have a long road ahead of us. Your post was very helpful and uplifting during a difficult time.

    Like

    • Selena says:

      Sherise,

      I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I am touched that my story has in some way helped to uplift you during this difficult time. So I send you ((hugs)) and I encourage you to not give up. It is a hard journey ahead but you can make it! My daughter is 15 today and she is a force to be reckoned with and she just got a 4-year tuition paid scholarship to one of the best schools in the state! And I know even better things are in store for you and your princess. It does get easier and hope does shine through.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I so greatly appreciate them. Have a splendid day!

      Like

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