Bartender, One Shot of Motivation on the Rocks and Make It a Double Fool!

Emotional wholeness and freedom is tied directly to my willingness to take an active part in my own healing.

I’m a motivator.

I didn’t major in motivational speech in college. I don’t have any special training or certificates. Motivating others is just something I do. And I’m surprisingly good at it. There’s something earth-shattering about empowering, educating or encouraging another human being to step into the realm of yes I can with little more than hope, determination and the perseverance to see it through.

I’m a wordsmith.

As a child, my two favorite reads were the dictionary and the thesaurus. I loved to play with words, to experiment with the power they exude. I learned early on that words have the power to heal or maim, to free or enslave.

It would be years before I realized I’d stumbled onto something extraordinary—a gift that would impact others for the better.

If we’re Facebook or Twitter friends (let’s connect if we aren’t), no doubt you’ve thought to yourself geesh, does this chick ever have an off day? Is she always this upbeat? Let’s be honest. Just because I wear an “s” on my chest, can leap tall buildings in a single bound and am prone to hives brought on by fruit laced in kryptonite, does not mean I’m not human. (wink)

Still, one of the biggest things motivators face is that sometimes the motivator needs some motivation…STAT! As women, especially mothers, we are wired to be nurturers; and we tend to do this even at the risk of self peril. But what I want to ask is what do we do when we, the chief motivators, need a little motivation or nurturing all our own? Where do we turn to get the kind of encouragement and empowerment we dole out—selflessly—to others?

That my friends, is THE question of the decade. I wish I had the answer that would make you smile and feel that all will be right in the world. I don’t. I wish I knew the perfect medley of words that would put your mind at ease in the midst of operating on fumes. I don’t. But here are some of the stages I went through on my quest to find the thing I needed to get my mojo back.

Resentment

Yuppers. This happens especially when motivatees are so focused on their need for motivation that they forget you’re human—that you don’t have all the answers and yeah, some days you just don’t feel like it. I wish I could say resentment was subtle—that it snuck up on me. It was quick, brutal and it swung its hammer better than the mighty Thor. By the time I’d heard the third well, who do I go too now?; and the fourth what?! The motivator needs motivation?! resentment had taken root with talons the size of Texas. True story.

Guilt, Inadequacy and Inaction

Talk about a triple whammy! This triad of doom is not easily broken especially since each spews its own venom and amasses its strength from the others. In a word, it’s crippling—to the psyche and the emotions. Let’s examine it in action.

As motivators and go to persons, anytime we forego helping others to focus on ourselves guilt is not too far behind. If left to its own devices, guilt quickly escalates into bouts with inadequacy.  Your mind shouts if you cannot be there for others how useful are you really? Are you even that good or effective at what you do? Yupper, fun times no doubt. And as if guilt and inadequacy weren’t enough, there’s inaction. I would say this is the worst of the bunch. Inaction leads to stagnant lifestyles and defective mindsets. In short, you go nowhere fast.

I’ll spare you the gory details of stress induced panic attacks, anxiety-laced headaches, loss of hunger, isolation, and sleeplessness. I told you, it ain’t pretty.

I Said Make it A Double, Fool! (gotta love Mr. T)

As I said, I don’t have THE answer. I can only share what I’m doing to help myself be the best self—the healthiest self—I deserve to be.

  1. I stopped explaining myself to others. If I—you—need to take a break and recharge, the prerogative is ours, no one else’s.
  2. I stopped letting people define and confine me. This can be especially difficult if there are key people you respect, love and value in your life. However, I am me and no one knows me better than I do. That means if I’m burnt out and bleeding, it’s time to take break—whether you agree or not, is irrelevant.
  3. I stopped with the excuses. We can rationalize and excuse everything, can’t we? As go to persons, it’s difficult to admit and accept we need others. I quit going it alone and I’m better for it.
  4. I stopped expecting people to understand. Until you can walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, your ability to fully relate to their circumstances are limited. And that’s okay as long as you keep that in mind before you open your mouth. If not, splendid people like me will be happy to remind you.
  5. I stopped…everything. Silence and stillness are much more powerful than we realize. Making the time to listen to my own voice yielded the kind of magic magician’s envy which inevitably gave wings…like Red Bull only better.

It’s still a work in progress; and that’s okay. I grow as I learn and I speak what I know to be true: emotional wholeness and freedom is tied directly to my willingness to take an active part in my own healing.

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