The problem with being broke is that that LIFE SUCKS!
At least, that’s how it feels. And not just certain bits or portions of life. The whole gammit, the whole enchildada, all of it–all of life–sucks. That’s how it feels when you’re broke.
By now, you’ve figured out that broke isn’t defined in dollars and cents. No. That’d be too easy to fix–much too simple to correct. Broke is the untreated cavity in the soul that bores through nerves exposing rot the likes no heart can bear. It laments in its own way collapsing lungs meant to expand with purpose–with hope. It wails incessantly. Screaming. Hoarding futures; whoring dreams.
The problem with being broke is it emasculates you without so much as a warning.
Well, not the kind of warning you expect. You expect bullies like depression or fear to back you into a corner threatening to beat the snot out of you. You expect bouts of anxiety or confusion to boil in your inner most thoughts ravishing the peace of mind salvaged from yesterdays passed. You don’t anticipate your voice, your survivor’s instinct, to grow eerily silent. You wake up to discover silence has imbedded itself in you like a parasite. It gorges on self-esteem leaving entrails of emptiness, and bleakness in its path.
Silence. The corruptor of the soul’s compass.
Do you know what happens when a compass no longer points in the right direction? The navigator can no longer navigate. Such is the inner workings of being broke. It involves more than your heart or your dreams. It is the imminent implosion of the psyche–the loss of light in the eyes, of hope for the future.
I was broke, friends. I wish I could say the journey back is easy. More than that, I wish I could say the road back is empty. It isn’t. It’s riddled with things and people that will make you question your sanity and the validity of your purpose in the earth. You’ll want to scream. You’ll need to cry. You may even need to beat your pillow to a pulp. Do yourself a favor: do it. And while you’re at it, make the decision to cut some things loose. It’s impossible for flowers to blossom when weeds choke their roots.
Got scissors? Good. There are people (ex’s, relatives, etc.) and things (jobs that are killing you, lifestyles, etc.) that you must remove from your life so you can achieve the healing you fully deserve.
Broke happens. But you don’t have to stay that way. Ever.